Also, he was shocked to discover the cost of such services. Key Four: If you are not alone in making decisions on behalf of your beloved elder, keep these simple insights in mind: Include the elder if at all possible as you discuss what his or her wants are. You may wish to have a conversation with them privately before you have a larger family meeting. It may be impossible to get everyone together where the elder is; so you may need to use conference calls to be sure that all are included who need to be included.
Select a quiet spot to talk. Try to be sure you have plenty of time blocked out. Include every family member whom you know has an interest in this elder.
How to Hold a Successful Family Meeting
Remember who has the most to lose and who is the most vulnerable. I once wrote a paper in which I suggested that prisoners, dorm students and old folks are the only people in our society who are expected to get along with a room mate who is not of their choice! We need to seriously think about the consequences of changes in residence for our beloved elders.
The decision may still have to be made; but if we can all respect the sacrifice that is being made by the elder, it will go a long way to helping with adjustment and acceptance. You may be the eldest child of five, and as such, you have taken control and handled difficult family situations in the past. Being a gracious listener to all siblings at this time can go a long way to keeping the bonds of the family in love and respect.
Conversely, you may be the youngest child, and you may feel that your concerns about your parents have never been fully appreciated. Ask for a family meeting. Set the agenda in advance and be sure that the other siblings know what topics you wish to discuss. Do your homework. Come to the meeting prepared to support your ideas with facts.
For example: if you would like to have your mom come live with you after she gets discharged from the hospital, come prepared with the factual data on how that could be a reasonable and rational choice.
It will help both you and your beloved elder to know a little about the various legal matters surrounding the issues of supported living, medical decision-making and financial arrangements. Many adult children of elders do not know that there are now a variety of choices for supported living.
A few years ago, nursing homes and apartments were about the only thing available to older adults who were going to be leaving a family home. Now there are retirement communities each with their own rules, entrance fees, special accommodations, etc. You need to know what is considered legal in the state that your loved one lives.
The Habits of Highly Successful Families
That does not mean that every hospital will accept it; but you can at the very least write down what your wishes would be in the event that you are no longer able to communicate with others about your health care needs. This can be a very simple or extremely complicated documents that explains who the elder wishes to have perform financial functions on their behalf and what those functions are to be. Some adult children think that they now have the right to tell their parent what they can and can not do simply because the elder wanted them to help write out their checks each month.
Most POAs are designed to leave the elder in control. Guardianship is a legal condition that has to be obtained through a court. Guardianship is only awarded by a judge. They cannot vote, cannot decide to marry, cannot decide where they wish to live, and cannot make simple decisions without the permission of another person. Keep this in mind: years ago, guardianships were handed down a little more easily and with little investigation. Many older adults and some disabled folks were placed under guardianships that they did not need.
Over the past few years, there appears to be a deeper respect for the rights of older adults and the disabled, making it a little more difficult to obtain a guardianship on someone. The judge should hear from a variety of experts and seriously consider whether the person actually needs a guardian before awarding a guardianship. A qualified social worker or aging services specialist should be able to provide a number of suggestions or ideas on how to help an elder in this kind of situation. What is my responsibility as an adult child of an elder in need?
This question merits some serious consideration. What are your responsibilities toward an aging parent? I truly believe that each adult child has to answer that question in light of their own set of standards and morals. Family dynamics can get very complicated. I may greatly desire to have my elderly mom live with me; but that would mean moving my teenage son into a room with his two sisters.
The consequences of decisions need to be thought out as much as possible.
2. Family Stew
A spouse, or young children in a family sometimes are expected to make great sacrifices so that a grand parent can move in. I have also seen an adult parent use guilt and unreasonable demands to get their way with a loving adult child. It is sad but true that some aged parents are not willing to compromise. That is why I feel that the boundary issue can work both ways. Not only does an adult child need to clearly explore and define their obligations toward their parent; but an aging parent if they are still able needs to seriously consider their expectations toward their children.
There are professional social workers, care managers and counselors who are trained to help families work their way through some of these difficult issues. Communication Checklist Everyone who has an interest should be included in the discussions. Remember that there is usually more than one way to solve a crisis.
Take notes so that things can be sorted out later; and ideas can be written down if more thought is needed. Obtain the help of an objective outside party if needed. Many social workers are trained mediators and able to help families negotiate sensitive issues with a goal to having the best possible outcome. Be willing to compromise.
Rarely does anyone get to have his or her way all the time and on every point. Emphasize the following principle: Parents are commanded to teach their children to love and serve each other, to keep the commandments of God, and to be law-abiding citizens. Ask students to turn to Deuteronomy 6. How does substituting your own name affect your understanding of these verses?
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Faust — of the First Presidency and asking the questions that follow:. How many opportunities do you have each day to love and serve members of your family? What could you do to make serving your family members a higher priority in your life? Give students a moment to ponder what they could do to better serve family members and show love to them.
Why should parents be the ones who are primarily responsible to teach their children the commandments of God? Tanner, former Young Women general president. Explain that in this talk, Sister Tanner recalled counsel she gave to one of her daughters who had recently married and begun creating her own home:. What thoughts might you have if your future children were to say this about the home in which they grew up?
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Help students understand the context of this section by having a student read the section heading aloud. Then invite one student to read aloud Doctrine and Covenants —6 and another to read the twelfth article of faith. Ask the class to look for what the Lord teaches about the laws of the land. What teachings about governments and the laws of the land stand out to you? For additional instruction, consider inviting students to read and cross-reference Doctrine and Covenants and —6.
Why do you think it is important that the home be the primary place for children to learn to obey the laws of the land? Maxwell — of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:. There will always be a shortage of police if there is a shortage of effective parents! How do you think parents could teach children to obey the laws of the land?
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Do you know someone who conscientiously obeys and shows respect for the laws of the land and for government officials? Encourage students to take some time in the coming days to ponder the principles that parents must teach to create a successful family. Ask them to make plans for how they might follow these principles in their lives now and incorporate them into their future families. Deuteronomy —7 ; Joshua ; Mosiah —15 ; Doctrine and Covenants ; —6 ; —6 ; Articles of Faith Entire Book PDF. Text Settings. Show Hide.
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